I use to love this guy,
With a great smile and blue eyes.
He was my best friend for a while,
He had personality, maturity and style.
He use to write poems and he was clever.
I couldn’t have known him any better.
I set him up with my best friend.
She was cute, nice and he liked her so much.
I put my own feelings aside.
But I couldn’t understand why he lied?
He slept with the local slag,
Who probably would have traded him for just a fag!
I was crazy about him,
Even after what he did.
We’d talk for hours on the phone.
I knew he cared, it was shown.
I enjoyed the kisses,
I thought I knew all his wishes.
So he went with the slag for a bit.
The only reason he liked her,
was because of her tits.
I always felt like the odd one out.
With her dumb blond attitude
And infuriating pout.
I really couldn’t stand
the person he had become.
His voice made my skin crawl,
Instead of the old, gentle hum.
he smell like he’d washed in an ash tray
I still feel like he’s just lost,
On his own little highway.
There’s no going back for him now.
He’s too messed up for me.
He cares more about who likes him,
Or what’s the best on MTV.
He takes drugs, smokes, the lot.
His sex life is the best gossip.
Eventually lie in a pit to rot,
Or he’ll become a pimp and get shot!
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Canary word: Present
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OK, so this was great. I just think that your rhyming got into the way of your full potential. I know i hate it when people say that to me, but it's true--this could be a lot better tan what it is. Not saying that it isn't great, don't get me wrong. But everything can be improved. Maybe you could go back through and edit some more to make everything flow smoother together?
*Peacee*
_Writing for love is a passion_